Learning to Compromise

When in a relationship, it’s impossible for both partners to agree on everything. There will be some clashing of different opinions, views and thoughts.

This is where compromise and sacrifice both come in to play. Though these two relationship elements tend to be a struggle to achieve for some people, it’s worth the battle in the end when both partners become victors.

Celebrity mental health professional, known simply as Dr. Phil, explains why people hate to not get what they want and why compromise is important.

“Manage your expectations,” Dr. Phil said. “What makes people upset is not what happens in their [life], but when their expectations are violated. Be realistic.”

For those who may find difficulty with this process, take heed to the following simple steps which we’re sure will help you in your relationship.

See where the differences lie. If you and your partner are having a disagreement, the best thing to do is to figure out where your opinions vary before things get worse. Remember, it is not about who is right, but what solution will benefit both sides.

Try to find common ground. When you and your partner know where the disagreement starts, you can figure out how each perspective is the same. Though you may not always agree, it’s the things we have in common with our significant others that brings us together—sometimes. Other times, it’s the fact that he or she has traits that are different that fuels the attraction. Find out, in the given situation, what those commonalities are. It will help change the mood of the disagreement when you know you have common ground with one another.

Take turns with the compromise or sacrifice. Figure out what you’re willing to give up for the other person. Even if the disagreement is small–and possibly not even worth the battle in the first place– it’s important to take what you’ve learned from examining your differences and similarities, and explore what options are open for you so everyone wins–and loses–equally.

“A solid relationship is based on an underlying friendship and is a function of how well it meets the needs of the two people involved,” Dr. Phil said. “Find out your partner’s needs.”

Consider All Options: The Ex or The Next

Dear Love Doves,
Hi, I’m torn between leaving my ex and moving on. There’s this guy that I’m interested in, but i still have feelings for my ex. I’m afraid that he’s not ready for commitment. My ex seems to have a change of heart in how much he wants a relationship with me. He just recently told me that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make everything right between us. Deep down i want to give him another chance but I’m afraid because this new guy seems really nice and may be exactly what i need, but my ex may become everything that I’m missing if I completely let him go. I don’t know how to go about things without making the WRONG decision. Help please…
_cindyLOVE

Dear _cindyLove,
First, let us say that this is a common conflict that most people find themselves having trouble with. Now, a word about your ex or almost any man for that matter, he only wants you extremely bad now because he has noticed that you’ve pushed yourself away from him. Men love to have women dwell on the idea of being with them because we tend to do almost anything to keep them. When we stop giving them so much attention and they see us moving on, they begin to do or say things to try to draw you back in. Trust us. We know this from experience. We’re not saying that you should just leave your ex forever. Just sit down and think about what it is that you really want. Don’t try to move on to another guy if you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend. You won’t put your all into this next guy and you won’t give him a fair chance at trying to make you happy. In the end, you’ll just end up playing with his feelings and breaking his heart. He’ll resent you for it and you’ll never know what kind of chance you could’ve had with him. Now, if your feelings for your ex are as strong as you’re making them seem, then you definitely need to pause before making your next move with this new guy.

If you believe that you truly work things out with your ex-boyfriend, then communicate with him and tell him how you genuinely feel. Let him show you that he is really trying to be with you because he loves you, not because you’re creating a life without him. If he can prove to you that he is worthy of your love, and you still have feelings for him, maybe you two should reexamine the possibility of you two working together. Consider all things. Why is he your ex-boyfriend now? What problems did you have before? As important as it is to regard your feelings, you have to remember what went wrong before. Is he willing to change his ways and are you willing to change yours? Figure out if your relationship could ever work again and if you two can get past what went wrong. If you honestly think it’s not right for the two of you to reconnect then pursue your new crush if you think it is right but only if you’re ready to let your feelings go for your ex

Be honest with your ex, be honest with your crush and let your heart guide you.
Signed,
The Love Doves