Cupid's Arrow Misses Its Mark

Hello ladies and gents:
I have a conflict, and I need some advice. Love has always been an up and down battle that I have gone through, and am going through now. I've been cheated on in the past many of times, so I have trust issues. You would think that I would have my guard up—NEGATIVE. I wear my heart and my love on my sleeve all of the time and that’s how I end up hurt. I just want to be loved back. The problem is I’ve been in a relationship for a little over a year and a half and everything was good at first, but the feelings that I once felt for my significant other are slowly fading away. I do have feelings, but I’m not satisfied with him like I used to be--I’m talking emotionally and sexually. He has more growing up to do. I should be respected more. He should show me that he loves and cares for me more, and I should be treated like a queen. To me, I’m not asking for too much because I was getting all of that in previous relationships-- plus I deserve it. I don’t want to just settle with him because we have a child together, but I do want to love him. Well, I do love him but I want to be in love with him like I was when I was with the person before. I just want to feel butterflies! What should I do in this situation?
From,
Butterflies

Dear Butterflies:
So, the problem is, you don’t have feelings for the man that you are with anymore? The best thing we can say for you is to consider your happiness and his. First, you must figure something out. At what point in the relationship did you fall out of love with him? Did he do something like cheat to push you away? It may be that you’re a different person than you were when you met him. There’s a simple solution: re-evaluate yourself. Maybe you just want different things--it happens. You’re probably at that age when you need to think long-term when it comes to relationships--especially since you have a child with this man. Think about yourself, but think about your boyfriend as well. If you don’t want to be with him, don’t pretend anymore. You don’t want to hurt his feelings or string him along. Plain and simple: don’t waste time and energy that could be spent finding true happiness. If you aren’t happy, you deserve to be, and so does he. If there is more to the problem, like trust issues or other baggage, look deep in yourself and figure out if you want to work on it. If not, let it go. If you choose to work it out with him, then take these appropriate steps: COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! We can’t even begin to tell you the number of relationships that we’ve personally seen deteriorate because the couple did not talk to one another. Be honest. Trust us. He may not like what you have to say, but he’ll definitely appreciate you “keeping it real” with him. You say that you still love him so, nine times out of ten, you’re willing to fix whatever is broken. Unless you’re one of those women that says, “love is not enough.” Whatever decision you make, make sure you do it for the benefit of your child. Whether you work it out with your boyfriend or not, that child deserves to have both a mother and a father in their life. Don’t rob that from the child because you fell out of love with their father. Who knows? Eventually, those butterflies may return and you’ll be walking down the aisle in your beautiful white dress while your bridesmaids are modeling those frumpy, pastel Easter Sunday dresses. Hope we’ve helped. If you have more problems, be sure to email us.
Signed,
The Love Doves

Friendships and Relationships

Platonic friendships and intimate relationships--can you connect the two? No? Well, let us help and guide you through it.

First, you meet a person and are possibly physically attracted to them. Maybe you noticed some things about them or just bumped into them and started making conversation. Either way, you’ve now acknowledged that the other exists.

After the “greet and meet,” you discover a connection and you continue to build something beautiful--a friendship.

Now, let’s pause while we tell you what friendship requires: honesty, trust, support, kindness, generosity and love.

Sound familiar? Well, that’s because those same traits are among the many characteristics of an intimate relationship.

During the friendship stage, you learn a person’s likes/dislikes, pet peeves, emotions, aspirations and much more.

Now, if this friendship grows and the two become best friends, what shall happen next? They soon discover their mutual affection, and decide to try their hands at a relationship.

“What qualities do you look for in a best friend?” Mister Cullen, a blogger of Hub Pages, writes to his readers. “These same qualities should also be found in your spouse. A successful marriage is one where you can be free and be yourself without any restrictions.”

We’re not saying go and get married as soon as you choose to be together. We’re just simply attempting to demonstrate how the two correlate. After all, friendships are considered to be relationships.

Without constructing a friendship, how could one expect a real intimate relationship to succeed? You have to trust each other like best friends, be honest with each other like best friends, love each other like best friends and be able to have a deeper connection other than just sexual.

Friendships are there to help get you through hardships

Intimacy contributes love to the heart and companionship to the lips

Together both relationships have potential to soar into the sky

As they have no limits, they can go very low or extremely high

To be best friends means to be there for one another

But to be lovers is a vow to take things even further

True friendships give birth to true love

And opens doors to intimate blessings from above

Not sexual or physical, something emotional and mental

A genuine connection, something developmental

Please listen to these words and take heed to what we say

Friends before lovers, no matter the cliché 
(Ending poem by Amanda Usher)