Cupid's Arrow Misses Its Mark

Hello ladies and gents:
I have a conflict, and I need some advice. Love has always been an up and down battle that I have gone through, and am going through now. I've been cheated on in the past many of times, so I have trust issues. You would think that I would have my guard up—NEGATIVE. I wear my heart and my love on my sleeve all of the time and that’s how I end up hurt. I just want to be loved back. The problem is I’ve been in a relationship for a little over a year and a half and everything was good at first, but the feelings that I once felt for my significant other are slowly fading away. I do have feelings, but I’m not satisfied with him like I used to be--I’m talking emotionally and sexually. He has more growing up to do. I should be respected more. He should show me that he loves and cares for me more, and I should be treated like a queen. To me, I’m not asking for too much because I was getting all of that in previous relationships-- plus I deserve it. I don’t want to just settle with him because we have a child together, but I do want to love him. Well, I do love him but I want to be in love with him like I was when I was with the person before. I just want to feel butterflies! What should I do in this situation?
From,
Butterflies

Dear Butterflies:
So, the problem is, you don’t have feelings for the man that you are with anymore? The best thing we can say for you is to consider your happiness and his. First, you must figure something out. At what point in the relationship did you fall out of love with him? Did he do something like cheat to push you away? It may be that you’re a different person than you were when you met him. There’s a simple solution: re-evaluate yourself. Maybe you just want different things--it happens. You’re probably at that age when you need to think long-term when it comes to relationships--especially since you have a child with this man. Think about yourself, but think about your boyfriend as well. If you don’t want to be with him, don’t pretend anymore. You don’t want to hurt his feelings or string him along. Plain and simple: don’t waste time and energy that could be spent finding true happiness. If you aren’t happy, you deserve to be, and so does he. If there is more to the problem, like trust issues or other baggage, look deep in yourself and figure out if you want to work on it. If not, let it go. If you choose to work it out with him, then take these appropriate steps: COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! We can’t even begin to tell you the number of relationships that we’ve personally seen deteriorate because the couple did not talk to one another. Be honest. Trust us. He may not like what you have to say, but he’ll definitely appreciate you “keeping it real” with him. You say that you still love him so, nine times out of ten, you’re willing to fix whatever is broken. Unless you’re one of those women that says, “love is not enough.” Whatever decision you make, make sure you do it for the benefit of your child. Whether you work it out with your boyfriend or not, that child deserves to have both a mother and a father in their life. Don’t rob that from the child because you fell out of love with their father. Who knows? Eventually, those butterflies may return and you’ll be walking down the aisle in your beautiful white dress while your bridesmaids are modeling those frumpy, pastel Easter Sunday dresses. Hope we’ve helped. If you have more problems, be sure to email us.
Signed,
The Love Doves

Friendships and Relationships

Platonic friendships and intimate relationships--can you connect the two? No? Well, let us help and guide you through it.

First, you meet a person and are possibly physically attracted to them. Maybe you noticed some things about them or just bumped into them and started making conversation. Either way, you’ve now acknowledged that the other exists.

After the “greet and meet,” you discover a connection and you continue to build something beautiful--a friendship.

Now, let’s pause while we tell you what friendship requires: honesty, trust, support, kindness, generosity and love.

Sound familiar? Well, that’s because those same traits are among the many characteristics of an intimate relationship.

During the friendship stage, you learn a person’s likes/dislikes, pet peeves, emotions, aspirations and much more.

Now, if this friendship grows and the two become best friends, what shall happen next? They soon discover their mutual affection, and decide to try their hands at a relationship.

“What qualities do you look for in a best friend?” Mister Cullen, a blogger of Hub Pages, writes to his readers. “These same qualities should also be found in your spouse. A successful marriage is one where you can be free and be yourself without any restrictions.”

We’re not saying go and get married as soon as you choose to be together. We’re just simply attempting to demonstrate how the two correlate. After all, friendships are considered to be relationships.

Without constructing a friendship, how could one expect a real intimate relationship to succeed? You have to trust each other like best friends, be honest with each other like best friends, love each other like best friends and be able to have a deeper connection other than just sexual.

Friendships are there to help get you through hardships

Intimacy contributes love to the heart and companionship to the lips

Together both relationships have potential to soar into the sky

As they have no limits, they can go very low or extremely high

To be best friends means to be there for one another

But to be lovers is a vow to take things even further

True friendships give birth to true love

And opens doors to intimate blessings from above

Not sexual or physical, something emotional and mental

A genuine connection, something developmental

Please listen to these words and take heed to what we say

Friends before lovers, no matter the cliché 
(Ending poem by Amanda Usher)

Commandment #9: Love vs. Lust

                The confusion between love and lust can make for a fatal attraction.
                Once the lust dies, the person can see that they actually didn’t love the person that they were with.
                It’s true that the beginning of any relationship begins with the physical attraction.
However, shortly afterwards, you can become attracted to your partner mentally and emotionally.
                If you don’t wait for the relationship to blossom into a deep emotional connection, your relationship won’t progress.
                So that leaves the question: What is love?
                “Love is like the wind,” Landon Carter (Shane West), a character in “A Walk to Remember,” said. “You cannot see it but you can always feel it!”
                Love is an intangible element that drives the bond between two people.
                It’s when you feel that you cannot live without that person and you long to be with them—when he or she is the only person that you think about.
                Because of love, people go through battles and hardships, but a relationship has the potential to grow into something powerful through love.
                “My friends have told me that if I had to question whether I truly loved [a guy], then it probably means I didn't,” a blogger from Datingish.com recalled. “‘When you're in love, you know it,’ they declared.”
                On the contrary, lust can cloud a person’s better judgment.
                 “Curiosity is the lust of the mind,” Thomas Hobbes, English philosopher, said.
But, to us, it’s lust that’s the curiosity of the mind.
                When people lust, they are curious about that person’s physical abilities to satisfy their needs or cravings.
                They are curious to see if that person can live up to their standards.
Do not let your fiery desires take the driver’s seat in your life.
                Lust will destroy you if you let it.
It will break your heart into two pieces and leave the crumbs at the door.
                It will hit it and quit it and then leave you stranded.
                If you lust after someone and then grow feelings for that person, that partner may not feel the same way.
                It is better to find someone who you can connect with on a deeper level than it is to fall in love with the sexual performance. In other words, don’t get attached to the sex.
                In the end, you protect yourself from despair, pain and sexually transmitted diseases.
                If you find yourself caught between love and lust, know how to distinguish between the two, and realize which one it is you want to pursue.

Love demonstrates patience; it displays kindness
It can make a person feel like gold when it’s at its finest
But, lust complements the body and takes care of its needs
It takes over, it devours, and it feeds
The mind with many thoughts of pleasure
And dominates the heart’s loving treasure
To get rid of it, one has to be smart
One has to treat the body like a valued piece of art
And not let love get lost deep in an ocean
Or be harmed and consumed by lust’s potion

(Ending poem by Amanda Usher.)

Send all of your relationship questions either in a comment below or to vsulovegame@gmail.com! Questions will be kept anonymous!

Commandment #1: Trust Wholeheartedly

Trust. 

This is a word that requires time. It requires patience, as well as effort.

True enough, events happen that make you lose your trust in someone. Once a relationship has lost trust, it becomes pretty difficult to revive it.

But through honest and open communication, you can learn to trust again, only if you forgive your partner and move forward to a happier future.

Not putting your all into moving away from those hurtful experiences can hinder not only yourself internally, but your relationship, as well.

You could harbor resentment, which leads to misplaced trust.

The amount of effort you put into the relationship is equal to the quality of the relationship as a whole.

The worst thing you can do is not forgive and be left with regrets later.

“[D]on’t let your past experiences keep you from putting your heart out there again,” says a rep. for Seventeen Magazine.

Experience is meant to teach you lessons, not hold you back.

Trust is a two-way street—in order to get over the bigger problems, you and your partner must both be willing to rebuild your trust.

Trust is like a game of hide and seek, it’s still there waiting to be found—you just gotta’ go look for it!

Remember:

A person that cannot trust is a person scorned
A relationship without trust is one that will be mourned
It is a necessity for both sides of the human race
It is something that needs a few moments of pure and sheer grace.

(Ending poem by Amanda Usher.)

Send all of your relationship questions either in a comment below or to vsulovegame@gmail.com! Questions will be kept anonymous!

10 Commandments of Love

1. Thou shall trust wholeheartedly.
2. Thou shall practice proper communication with his or her partner.
3. Thou shall listen with gentle ears.
4. Thou shall be faithful.
5. Thou shall play fair.
6. Thou shalt not practice verbal, physical, emotional or mental abuse.
7. Thou shalt not be dishonest.
8. Thou shalt not allow little disagreements to overshadow love.
9. Thou shalt not mistake love for lust.
10. Thou shalt not abandon his or her partner in his or her time of need.

Send all of your relationship questions either in a comment below or to vsulovegame@gmail.com! Questions will be kept anonymous!