So Long, Farewell

Readers,
Due to changes in Spectator staff and the integration of new blogs, we regret to inform you that The Love Game will no longer be a regularly-updated Spectator blog. We thank our writers, Jennifer Gleason and Amanda Usher, and wish them well in their future endeavors. For more interesting Spectator blogs, go to http://www.vsuspectator.com/spectator-blogs/.
Thank you for supporting your campus newspaper.
Best Wishes,
The Spectator

Learning to Compromise

When in a relationship, it’s impossible for both partners to agree on everything. There will be some clashing of different opinions, views and thoughts.

This is where compromise and sacrifice both come in to play. Though these two relationship elements tend to be a struggle to achieve for some people, it’s worth the battle in the end when both partners become victors.

Celebrity mental health professional, known simply as Dr. Phil, explains why people hate to not get what they want and why compromise is important.

“Manage your expectations,” Dr. Phil said. “What makes people upset is not what happens in their [life], but when their expectations are violated. Be realistic.”

For those who may find difficulty with this process, take heed to the following simple steps which we’re sure will help you in your relationship.

See where the differences lie. If you and your partner are having a disagreement, the best thing to do is to figure out where your opinions vary before things get worse. Remember, it is not about who is right, but what solution will benefit both sides.

Try to find common ground. When you and your partner know where the disagreement starts, you can figure out how each perspective is the same. Though you may not always agree, it’s the things we have in common with our significant others that brings us together—sometimes. Other times, it’s the fact that he or she has traits that are different that fuels the attraction. Find out, in the given situation, what those commonalities are. It will help change the mood of the disagreement when you know you have common ground with one another.

Take turns with the compromise or sacrifice. Figure out what you’re willing to give up for the other person. Even if the disagreement is small–and possibly not even worth the battle in the first place– it’s important to take what you’ve learned from examining your differences and similarities, and explore what options are open for you so everyone wins–and loses–equally.

“A solid relationship is based on an underlying friendship and is a function of how well it meets the needs of the two people involved,” Dr. Phil said. “Find out your partner’s needs.”

Consider All Options: The Ex or The Next

Dear Love Doves,
Hi, I’m torn between leaving my ex and moving on. There’s this guy that I’m interested in, but i still have feelings for my ex. I’m afraid that he’s not ready for commitment. My ex seems to have a change of heart in how much he wants a relationship with me. He just recently told me that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make everything right between us. Deep down i want to give him another chance but I’m afraid because this new guy seems really nice and may be exactly what i need, but my ex may become everything that I’m missing if I completely let him go. I don’t know how to go about things without making the WRONG decision. Help please…
_cindyLOVE

Dear _cindyLove,
First, let us say that this is a common conflict that most people find themselves having trouble with. Now, a word about your ex or almost any man for that matter, he only wants you extremely bad now because he has noticed that you’ve pushed yourself away from him. Men love to have women dwell on the idea of being with them because we tend to do almost anything to keep them. When we stop giving them so much attention and they see us moving on, they begin to do or say things to try to draw you back in. Trust us. We know this from experience. We’re not saying that you should just leave your ex forever. Just sit down and think about what it is that you really want. Don’t try to move on to another guy if you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend. You won’t put your all into this next guy and you won’t give him a fair chance at trying to make you happy. In the end, you’ll just end up playing with his feelings and breaking his heart. He’ll resent you for it and you’ll never know what kind of chance you could’ve had with him. Now, if your feelings for your ex are as strong as you’re making them seem, then you definitely need to pause before making your next move with this new guy.

If you believe that you truly work things out with your ex-boyfriend, then communicate with him and tell him how you genuinely feel. Let him show you that he is really trying to be with you because he loves you, not because you’re creating a life without him. If he can prove to you that he is worthy of your love, and you still have feelings for him, maybe you two should reexamine the possibility of you two working together. Consider all things. Why is he your ex-boyfriend now? What problems did you have before? As important as it is to regard your feelings, you have to remember what went wrong before. Is he willing to change his ways and are you willing to change yours? Figure out if your relationship could ever work again and if you two can get past what went wrong. If you honestly think it’s not right for the two of you to reconnect then pursue your new crush if you think it is right but only if you’re ready to let your feelings go for your ex

Be honest with your ex, be honest with your crush and let your heart guide you.
Signed,
The Love Doves

Cupid's Arrow Misses Its Mark

Hello ladies and gents:
I have a conflict, and I need some advice. Love has always been an up and down battle that I have gone through, and am going through now. I've been cheated on in the past many of times, so I have trust issues. You would think that I would have my guard up—NEGATIVE. I wear my heart and my love on my sleeve all of the time and that’s how I end up hurt. I just want to be loved back. The problem is I’ve been in a relationship for a little over a year and a half and everything was good at first, but the feelings that I once felt for my significant other are slowly fading away. I do have feelings, but I’m not satisfied with him like I used to be--I’m talking emotionally and sexually. He has more growing up to do. I should be respected more. He should show me that he loves and cares for me more, and I should be treated like a queen. To me, I’m not asking for too much because I was getting all of that in previous relationships-- plus I deserve it. I don’t want to just settle with him because we have a child together, but I do want to love him. Well, I do love him but I want to be in love with him like I was when I was with the person before. I just want to feel butterflies! What should I do in this situation?
From,
Butterflies

Dear Butterflies:
So, the problem is, you don’t have feelings for the man that you are with anymore? The best thing we can say for you is to consider your happiness and his. First, you must figure something out. At what point in the relationship did you fall out of love with him? Did he do something like cheat to push you away? It may be that you’re a different person than you were when you met him. There’s a simple solution: re-evaluate yourself. Maybe you just want different things--it happens. You’re probably at that age when you need to think long-term when it comes to relationships--especially since you have a child with this man. Think about yourself, but think about your boyfriend as well. If you don’t want to be with him, don’t pretend anymore. You don’t want to hurt his feelings or string him along. Plain and simple: don’t waste time and energy that could be spent finding true happiness. If you aren’t happy, you deserve to be, and so does he. If there is more to the problem, like trust issues or other baggage, look deep in yourself and figure out if you want to work on it. If not, let it go. If you choose to work it out with him, then take these appropriate steps: COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! We can’t even begin to tell you the number of relationships that we’ve personally seen deteriorate because the couple did not talk to one another. Be honest. Trust us. He may not like what you have to say, but he’ll definitely appreciate you “keeping it real” with him. You say that you still love him so, nine times out of ten, you’re willing to fix whatever is broken. Unless you’re one of those women that says, “love is not enough.” Whatever decision you make, make sure you do it for the benefit of your child. Whether you work it out with your boyfriend or not, that child deserves to have both a mother and a father in their life. Don’t rob that from the child because you fell out of love with their father. Who knows? Eventually, those butterflies may return and you’ll be walking down the aisle in your beautiful white dress while your bridesmaids are modeling those frumpy, pastel Easter Sunday dresses. Hope we’ve helped. If you have more problems, be sure to email us.
Signed,
The Love Doves

Friendships and Relationships

Platonic friendships and intimate relationships--can you connect the two? No? Well, let us help and guide you through it.

First, you meet a person and are possibly physically attracted to them. Maybe you noticed some things about them or just bumped into them and started making conversation. Either way, you’ve now acknowledged that the other exists.

After the “greet and meet,” you discover a connection and you continue to build something beautiful--a friendship.

Now, let’s pause while we tell you what friendship requires: honesty, trust, support, kindness, generosity and love.

Sound familiar? Well, that’s because those same traits are among the many characteristics of an intimate relationship.

During the friendship stage, you learn a person’s likes/dislikes, pet peeves, emotions, aspirations and much more.

Now, if this friendship grows and the two become best friends, what shall happen next? They soon discover their mutual affection, and decide to try their hands at a relationship.

“What qualities do you look for in a best friend?” Mister Cullen, a blogger of Hub Pages, writes to his readers. “These same qualities should also be found in your spouse. A successful marriage is one where you can be free and be yourself without any restrictions.”

We’re not saying go and get married as soon as you choose to be together. We’re just simply attempting to demonstrate how the two correlate. After all, friendships are considered to be relationships.

Without constructing a friendship, how could one expect a real intimate relationship to succeed? You have to trust each other like best friends, be honest with each other like best friends, love each other like best friends and be able to have a deeper connection other than just sexual.

Friendships are there to help get you through hardships

Intimacy contributes love to the heart and companionship to the lips

Together both relationships have potential to soar into the sky

As they have no limits, they can go very low or extremely high

To be best friends means to be there for one another

But to be lovers is a vow to take things even further

True friendships give birth to true love

And opens doors to intimate blessings from above

Not sexual or physical, something emotional and mental

A genuine connection, something developmental

Please listen to these words and take heed to what we say

Friends before lovers, no matter the cliché 
(Ending poem by Amanda Usher)

Commandment #9: Love vs. Lust

                The confusion between love and lust can make for a fatal attraction.
                Once the lust dies, the person can see that they actually didn’t love the person that they were with.
                It’s true that the beginning of any relationship begins with the physical attraction.
However, shortly afterwards, you can become attracted to your partner mentally and emotionally.
                If you don’t wait for the relationship to blossom into a deep emotional connection, your relationship won’t progress.
                So that leaves the question: What is love?
                “Love is like the wind,” Landon Carter (Shane West), a character in “A Walk to Remember,” said. “You cannot see it but you can always feel it!”
                Love is an intangible element that drives the bond between two people.
                It’s when you feel that you cannot live without that person and you long to be with them—when he or she is the only person that you think about.
                Because of love, people go through battles and hardships, but a relationship has the potential to grow into something powerful through love.
                “My friends have told me that if I had to question whether I truly loved [a guy], then it probably means I didn't,” a blogger from Datingish.com recalled. “‘When you're in love, you know it,’ they declared.”
                On the contrary, lust can cloud a person’s better judgment.
                 “Curiosity is the lust of the mind,” Thomas Hobbes, English philosopher, said.
But, to us, it’s lust that’s the curiosity of the mind.
                When people lust, they are curious about that person’s physical abilities to satisfy their needs or cravings.
                They are curious to see if that person can live up to their standards.
Do not let your fiery desires take the driver’s seat in your life.
                Lust will destroy you if you let it.
It will break your heart into two pieces and leave the crumbs at the door.
                It will hit it and quit it and then leave you stranded.
                If you lust after someone and then grow feelings for that person, that partner may not feel the same way.
                It is better to find someone who you can connect with on a deeper level than it is to fall in love with the sexual performance. In other words, don’t get attached to the sex.
                In the end, you protect yourself from despair, pain and sexually transmitted diseases.
                If you find yourself caught between love and lust, know how to distinguish between the two, and realize which one it is you want to pursue.

Love demonstrates patience; it displays kindness
It can make a person feel like gold when it’s at its finest
But, lust complements the body and takes care of its needs
It takes over, it devours, and it feeds
The mind with many thoughts of pleasure
And dominates the heart’s loving treasure
To get rid of it, one has to be smart
One has to treat the body like a valued piece of art
And not let love get lost deep in an ocean
Or be harmed and consumed by lust’s potion

(Ending poem by Amanda Usher.)

Send all of your relationship questions either in a comment below or to vsulovegame@gmail.com! Questions will be kept anonymous!

Commandment #1: Trust Wholeheartedly

Trust. 

This is a word that requires time. It requires patience, as well as effort.

True enough, events happen that make you lose your trust in someone. Once a relationship has lost trust, it becomes pretty difficult to revive it.

But through honest and open communication, you can learn to trust again, only if you forgive your partner and move forward to a happier future.

Not putting your all into moving away from those hurtful experiences can hinder not only yourself internally, but your relationship, as well.

You could harbor resentment, which leads to misplaced trust.

The amount of effort you put into the relationship is equal to the quality of the relationship as a whole.

The worst thing you can do is not forgive and be left with regrets later.

“[D]on’t let your past experiences keep you from putting your heart out there again,” says a rep. for Seventeen Magazine.

Experience is meant to teach you lessons, not hold you back.

Trust is a two-way street—in order to get over the bigger problems, you and your partner must both be willing to rebuild your trust.

Trust is like a game of hide and seek, it’s still there waiting to be found—you just gotta’ go look for it!

Remember:

A person that cannot trust is a person scorned
A relationship without trust is one that will be mourned
It is a necessity for both sides of the human race
It is something that needs a few moments of pure and sheer grace.

(Ending poem by Amanda Usher.)

Send all of your relationship questions either in a comment below or to vsulovegame@gmail.com! Questions will be kept anonymous!